Matt Carberry (kingpin248) wrote,
Matt Carberry
kingpin248

Dispatches from the Deep: #10 (September 6, 2008) - it's potty time!

One of my favorite things about writing a blog is that, within the limits of operational security, I can talk about whatever I want. And if that happens to be my bowel movements, so be it! I've done it before, and it's time to do it again...so here's an entry about pooping. (No, I didn't cover myself in feces by opening the flush valve while sans were being blown overboard.)

I don't eat a lot of vegetables or other fibrous material. This tendency becomes more acute underway. A byproduct of this is that I end up releasing solid waste only once every few days. The worst part of this is, it always seems to be during the hour after watch that we clean, in which the heads are secured (except for emergencies, thankfully). That's actually not accurate; the worst part is usually the twenty minutes of lower abdominal cramping that precede this overboard discharge. You know the feeling - you know you're going to have to go, but nothing has quite reached the bottom yet.

This afternoon, it happened again. We had a field day in the previous watch, so it was burgers ("sliders" as we say) and curly fries (one of the few slices of awesome on the Submersible Death Trap). I went heavy on the fries, and the familiar pains followed soon after. When the signal finally came, I was fortunate to find an empty stall. This isn't a trivial concern, as there are only four toilets available to us blue shirts. After the first wave passed out, I still had to go, and thus my mind turned to...finding some soothing music to ease the passage! Fortunately, I have a lot of Phil Collins on my iPod, so I was set.

This happened over two hours ago, and I'm still feeling a slight after effect. I'm glad I was able to reach the metal throne in time. Most people would take such a thing for granted, but I know I've written here that there's at least one man on our crew that hasn't fully grasped this concept. And I guess I should be thankful that the pangs of intestinal movement always seem to find me after watch; a sudden cramping on watch (which would require me to wait for a proper relief) could be disastrous.
Tags: close calls, nauseating detail, undersea life
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