Matt Carberry (kingpin248) wrote,
Matt Carberry
kingpin248

Adventures (misadventures?) in natal nomenclature

I recently added Amy Alkon's Advice Goddess Blog to my RSS feed. This morning, she reblogged some of a Deadspin column by Drew Magary about some... um, interesting baby name choices.

Before I opine on the subject matter, let me deal briefly with the author. This is the third Magary piece that has crossed my computer screen over the last two months. When Mayor Bloomberg first proposed his ban on large soft drinks, Magary defended the policy with an abhorrent screed that I disposed of on Tumblr at the time. Two weeks ago, I read some of his words that were more to my liking, as he skewered two ladies from the South who run a business coaching young ladies on the finer points of sorority rush. Even after reading this most recent Deadspin column, I'm still somewhat in awe there exists an entity willing to pay this gentleman to share his words with the world.

That said, he's absolutely right. My choice for the worst was "Brook'Lynn," because I'm not on board with the apostrophes either. In fact, I like to pronounce them with a half-second pause. For example, the professional name of the winner for Best Supporting Actress at the 82nd Academy Awards would be "Mo...Nique." A close second would be the proliferation of the letter "y" - and on that, Magary's timing couldn't have been better, at least for this American. Last night, the reigning world champion in women's gymnastics failed to qualify for the individual all-around finals at the Olympic Games. She was third among the Americans, but no more than two gymnasts per country can progress into the finals. It was a huge upset, perhaps the biggest thus far in London. I bring this to light because her name is... Jordyn Wieber. To be sure, she should have progressed in the competition (I'm assuming she was one of the best twenty-four in the preliminaries). But when I saw that name on the screen, I could not help but sigh.

As for me? Well, more than three years ago, I accepted that my chances of ever marrying and procreating were no better than a coin flip. But if I do, I'm going to insist on not getting cute or special with the name. The goal is to be able to speak the name and not have the other person ask to spell it. That said, by the time this ever becomes an issue for me, I'm not sure if there will be any names left that fall into that category.
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