June 9, 2009

Jenny stares through the darkness at the ceiling. She isn't looking at me, I can tell, even though my head is on her chest, because she hasn't really been able to look at me now for a few days. "I feel like I've already lost you, you just haven't left yet," she says in a flattened tone that scares me. I don't really understand what she means, but I know enough to know that she believes it.

"You're going to get better," I tell her for the eleventh time today, and the fortieth time this week. But I'm certain this time she heard me. This time it'll make a difference. This time everything will be fixed and healed. This time we can get back to normal.

"Maybe I will," she replies. "I just don't see how we come out of this in a relationship. And right now, all I see is tunnel. I don't see any light, I can only see tunnel."

I lift my head toward hers, and she still doesn't look at me. "Listen to me," I say, "I'm here, aren't I?" Please let this talk-down be the last. Please, Lord, let it work this time.

And then she starts crying again, a wracking, sobbing cry that absolutely breaks my heart, the more so because I'm still convinced it's my fault. She turns away from me and curls into a fetal position, and all I can do is put a hand on her arm, stroke it gently, take a deep breath, forget my own pain, forget the questions of why, what I did this time, what I can do to stop this, what I can do to stop it from happening again, why all this has happened, why I said the things I did a few weeks ago, why, how, what... shove all that down, and wait.

(sigh) The contestant said "Switch".

Drew repeatedly said that she wanted to switch!

Lanisha began switching!

Amber, however, insisted on revealing the fucking price!!!

And Drew declared a technical win because of it!

This, by the way, isn't the only time that Amber has been a model for Switch. I think she's handled switches before.

So, W.T.F. happened!?! D:

Barack Obama has chosen Amanda Simpson as a Senior Technical Advisor to the Department of Commerce, marking the first transgender appointment in an American presidential administration.

Simpson has more than 30 years of experience in the aerospace and defense industry, most recently serving as Deputy Director in Advanced Technology Development at Raytheon Missile Systems in Tucson, Arizona. While working at Raytheon, she transitioned from male-to-female over a six-year period, and successfully lobbied to add gender identity to Raytheon’s Equal Employment Opportunity Policy.

As skeptical as I am that President Obama had much to do with the appointment, I do think it's cool to see one more wall come down in the gender and sexuality arena. Of course, I'm looking forward to the day when this isn't news, but until then, congratulations to Miss Simpson on breaking through another barrier so the next generation can follow her into the halls of influence and power.

( Read the whole article... )

The four guys in the corner wearing red and white break out in shouts and applause, and I don't have to turn around and look at the television to know something has happened that I won't like, but I do anyway. Sure enough, Cornell has taken a 3-2 lead against my beloved Wildcats, and I heave a sigh. One of the Cornell guys comes up to the bar shortly thereafter to order another pitcher, and points at the New Hampshire hockey jersey I'm wearing. To his credit, instead of needling me about the current score, he asks, "Hey, is that a game-worn?"

I smile. "No, just your basic campus store replica. A boyfriend gave it to me for my birthday one year when it coincided with a playoff game. What about yours? Are those real puck marks?"

"Yup, it was [Player]'s away sweater for a season," he says proudly, where [Player] is a name I can't remember even five minutes later. I will remember while writing this later, though, that it doesn't sound familiar to me from the last really important UNH-Cornell match-up in 2003, and this guy looks like a kid, so I assume it's more recent.

"Very cool," I say, handing him his pitcher and taking his cash.

"Hey, chin up," he adds as he starts to turn back to his friends. "Your boys have tied it up twice already today, this has been a great game!"

A great game if you like watching your team get outshot two-to-one on their own ice, I think to myself as I count the cash, do the math, and make a note: if this group is at all representative, Cornell boys seem to be good tippers. For some reason, New Hampshire is dominating Hockey East this year, but we can't seem to get the job done outside the conference. That's certainly no way to set up a national championship season, something I've been pining after for a very long time. I stand and watch ESPN-U for a minute, as Cornell continues their cycling-and-possession demonstration and clinic, free of charge to their opponents.

Someone taps me on the shoulder. "Hey, Gretzky," says Lisa, "heads up. We have some customers who don't give a shit about a high school hockey game, get it in gear." I'm not used to being talked to like that, but this isn't the Bar, it's the Pub, and I'm low barmaid on the totem pole around here. I'm tempted to tell her snidely that it's college, something she wouldn't be familiar with, but that was probably her point - and I honestly don't want to piss her off, I need this job. I turn away, smile, and start to take an order, and my customer is still in between "Hefe" and "weizen" when the Big Red boys start cheering and high-fiving again.

Next time Game-Worn comes up for another pitcher, we've pulled our goalie during a power play for a 6-on-4, and we're putting a lot of pressure on, but so far to no avail. "Hey," I ask while I'm drawing their communal Sam Adams, "how did you guys end up here, anyway? Not that I would ever complain about you giving us business, but isn't there a Cornell bar or something anywhere in the city?"

"Yeah," he says, "on the Upper East Side. But usually an e-mail goes out beforehand, and this time we didn't see one. I live closer to the Pub anyway, and pardon my French, but it's really fucking cold out. We honestly had no idea one of the bartenders was a UNH alum. You've been a good sport letting us hang out."

"Listen, this next pitcher is on me," I tell him as I hand it over. "I don't care what color you're wearing, college hockey fans are few and far between enough - you're welcome here anytime."

He thanks me, tips me heavily, and goes back to his friends just in time to see his team put the nail in the coffin with an empty-netter. They start cheering and high-fiving again, and I go back to working my Sunday shift and trying not to get beer all over my jersey. It seems like the Yankees win a World Series every few weeks or so, why can't New Hampshire manage to win a Frozen Four?

I feel as though I got a reasonable, if not huge, amount of sleep the last couple of nights, but as the end of the workday approaches, I'm really feeling tired. I should probably make a point of going to sleep early tonight, lest this prove to be some sort of encroaching illness.

...but not the Let's Make a Deal and Wheel of Fortune episodes that followed! >_<

On TPIR, the third contestant, who played Any Number back in 1979 and won only the piggy bank, played Any Number again today and won the car! And during her Showcase Showdown, we got to see a small clip of her last episode. However, it looked very awkward the way it was presented. Then again, I guess I have to forgive R. Brian DiPirro for this, since something like this had never been done before on the show, and he had no precedent. Marc Breslow, Paul Alter, and Bart Eskander couldn't help him! :(

And the Golden Road.net boys said that Fremantle Media would ruin the show once Bob Barker left.

I didn't know that actually respecting the past, something Bob does not do, ruins game shows. That's a new one on me! D:

---

I think the 2009 version of LMAD may have set a record for Zonks on today's episode. And nearly every contestant did poorly, with the highest-scoring contestant in the main game winning "only" a $6,500 spa. Naturally, she went for the Big Deal and ended up winning the Medium Deal, which was (I think) over $7,000. I find it strange that the last two episodes I've watched have had cash inside the LMAD Vault being the Big Deal instead of the usual cars.

---

And I can't believe that the three U.S. military guys on today's WOF couldn't get "Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa". The first two solves involved each contestant pronouncing it "Regis PhilBURN", and the third solve, which was on a FULLY REVEALED PUZZLE!!! :O :O :O, had the contestant in the blue spot, who kept hitting Bankrupt a lot, pronouncing "Ripa" as "Rye-puh". That's, what, the third time in WOF history that a fully-revealed puzzle was blown!?! WhatAnIdiot, indeed! >x(

---

I'd really love to know what alignment the planets were in today to produce such standout episodes on three game shows in a row that, for me, all come on the same network (WOF syndicates to WDBJ-7, Roanoke, Virginia's CBS station). Either way, it was freaky! D:

After over a week of no work, my alarm clock's once again set for 8am for tomorrow's workday. I got a fair amount done today, and over the last few days, but nowhere near as much as I was optimistically planning for the vacation.

At least staying home today led to some tasty pizza! There are even leftovers for lunch this week.

Hope you all have a great Monday!

3.78 for the semester!
Subject Course Course Title Final Grade
CRWR 190D LEVEL II – PSY OF CHARACTER A-
ENGL 116 SHAKSPR-LATER PLAYS B+
ENGL 192L GAY AND LESBIAN LITERATURE A
GERM 103 ADV GERMAN LANGUAGE A
PHYS 005 (NS) LIGHT A-
RELI 018 (HP)SACRAMENTS, SEX & THE CITY A

Also I moved my semester reflection to my blog because I needed a post.
http://walshcaitlin.wordpress.com/2010/01/02/new-year/

(sigh) Moments like this make me wish it were still 1994, when I was only 6 years old, Bill Clinton was the president, America was doing very well, the Internet hadn't yet taken off, and things seemed so much simpler.

Remember this journal? I "responded" to a Writer's Block question coinciding with the release in theaters of the movie of the second Twilight series book, New Moon. Since I hadn't seen the movie, I didn't really answer the question, but I instead gave my opinion on the incredibly fucktarded fans of the series. Lately, however, I'm starting to believe that their rivals, better known as the "Anti"'s, are becoming just as bad, if not worse.

At the time I wrote that journal, I hadn't been to Encyclopedia Dramatica in over a year. In October 2008, after doing some touch-up to the Golden Road.net article, I was banned for who-knows-what reason by a douche bag named "WhiteMystery". This was my second ban from the site, all for doing something that I didn't really know was against the rules (supposedly on both that site and Wikipedia, you can't change a large section of the article without permission from a mod; I deleted the "Notable Quotes" section of the article, which had a lot of quotes, and placed it in its own article). Another mod unbanned me, but WhiteMystery then banned me again for supposedly "E-mailing him a bunch of butthurt emo bullshit", or something like that. I said, "Fuck it."

Well, since writing "Twitarded LiveJournal is Twitarded", I have started visiting Encyclopedia Dramatica again. But I've taken great care to avoid articles that I've been closely connected to, such as Golden Road.net's article, and those about DeviantArt, especially Snapesnogger and MDetector5, and this website. One of the first articles I visited was the one on Twilight. And, as it turns out, TwilightSucks.com has an article, as does its founder. However, I am not pleased.

When I first discovered TwilightSucks.com, circa May 2009, I thought that it was a very reliable source for Twilight criticism and information. At the time, the general public truly was under attack from the terrorist menace of a rabid fanbase, and that site had the proof in its "Fangirl Encounters" section (but not "Bullshit Encounters"; those stories were proven false). Like I said in the previous journal, I quit keeping up with the Twilight fantard news when AnnaLeeJones3 quit YouTube (and I bet her Khan/Minh Soupinousaphone-like parents wonder why Asians of their kind are made fun of in popular media... -_-;). At the time, circa July 2009, two YouTube users named Viperhor and NuttyMadam were on a violent rampage.

Well, it seems that in four months, a lot has changed, and not for the better. Apparently, after TS.com successfully defeated one of those two YouTubers (I forget which), the site jumped the shark severely. First off, it seems that ol' Mars had a little bit of troll's remorse, and turned to the Dark Side. That, and it seems that "Mars Defden" isn't really her name, and she isn't really Swedish. Also, a Nyxbel Hawthorne decided to retaliate against a fantard, and went way too far. And the members of the site in general are getting somewhat...malicious, even going so far as to attack other anti-Twilight sites, and even sane fans! Back in the summer of 2009, we the Antis were facing a very legitimate threat. But now, the Twitards appear to have backed off, and it's the Antis who are the threat. Now THEY'RE the ones voicing bad opinions, and THEY'RE the oppressors.

And here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

No. Just no.

I thought this kind of mentality died out with the Puritans in the 1600's.

Some people say that I'm like this with the people that are the villains in my superhero comic, Life in FCHS, but they're only half right. Not only do I grow to resemble the "bad guy", but they grow to resemble me. This actually ends up being a good thing; despite near black-and-white differences in personalities and beliefs, the bad guys end up going from near-perfect recreations of old Superman villains to almost ordinary people that can have ordinary conversations with me.

I don't see TwilightSucks.com, Mars Defden, or AnnaLeeJones3 doing any of that (in the latter's case, it gives "yellow peril" a whole new meaning! xD). Do you? Not likely. They're becoming like the "bad guys" in the wrong way, and they seem to have become just as obsessed with hating Edward Cullen as the Twitards are with loving him.

This isn't good for anyone. To paraphrase Alex Davis just after Golden Road.net's shutdown in July 2008, I think everyone, Twitards and Antis alike, needs to remember that in the end, it's just a book series, only the vast minority of fans are Twitards, and the books aren't having as much of an impact on people as you think. They aren't "encouraging misogyny" (funny how misandrists are the only ones who make that charge...) or dragging down the value of books, and Stephenie Meyer didn't keep someone more deserving from their chance at fame. You're just reading too heavily into it, and should probably take a break.

Please, go take one. Now. Because it's the only way to get us at the Pubs of St. Clair to be your friends again! >x(

You're pathetic.

Go die in a fire.

Here's a friend's review...

Plot is pretty standard but OMG *SWOOSH* and then *BANG* and *SWOOSH* and AAAAAAAA! and then there was this bit and they were all RAWR! and then *SWOOSH!* and OMG! then RAWRSWOOSHRAWRBOOMSWOOSHFROOM AAAAAAAAAAA! RAWR! *SWOOSH!* YAAAY! and then it was over.

You know, I'd like to recommend ( the movie Sherlock Holmes )

today i ate my favorite fruit for breakfast, drank a delicious cup of coffee (then three more), had a PB&J (ok maybe 3) for lunch, and then had beef on weck for dinner with a great great GREAT bottle of wine, and then had chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

my stomach could only be made happier if i threw some wings on top.

also awesome: i left my running shoes in rochester, so my dad reasoned that they'd have too many miles on them to run in them in another 3 months, so he thought it prudent to brave Transit Road traffic on Christmas Eve and then bought me new ones! then we killed aliens on XBOX for THREE HOURS. (that's a lot of aliens for you newbs out there.)

SO GOOD. SO SO SO GOOD.

I got to sleep at a reasonable time last night, but was woken at 2:30am by what I'm guessing was a pocket-dial or an inadvertent click, from an unrecognized 360 (Washington area?) number. I could hear people talking in the background, but they didn't seem to hear me. I thought about calling back, but decided if they really meant to talk to me, they'd figure out a way.

Can't help but wonder if this was a result of my putting my phone number on the Facebook page for supporting Arrow Trucking drivers. The timing makes it make sense. Ah well.

Of course, I couldn't fall asleep again for an hour and a half.

Time to go home!