Matt Carberry (kingpin248) wrote,
Matt Carberry

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In the matter of Olbermann v. Coulter...

Not long after I visited Cornell for Grand Bonecoming '07, I found cause to mention here my distaste for one Ann Coulter (A&S '85). Then, I wrote that she was "getting exponentially more extreme with every television appearance." That trend seems to be continuing, and has come to a head this week with her column on Keith Olbermann (CALS '79). I first saw this on IvyGate, and then at many other sources.

Coulter, in her column, shows why she's a showcase of EPIC FAIL. She calls the contract colleges the "Old MacDonald Cornell." Now we have a serious problem. Of course, she just dissed Olbermann...and everybody else in CALS, including one of my high school classmates. But she also called out my good friend Bizarro (HumEc/P&AM '03), and E-Mac (HumEc/Human Development '03). Not to mention all the good people in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. But wait...there's more! By claiming that A&S is the only "real" school on the East Hill, she thus disavows the College of Architecture, Art, and Planning. Same goes for the School of Hotel Administration, which produced the founders of Burger King, and at least one pretty good writer. Let's not forget the other endowed college at Cornell...the College of Engineering. It gave the world Rich '96, whose contributions to Da Bones and the fandom of Cornell hockey have been invaluable. It produced TheGovernor '02/MEng '04, another good friend of mine. And had I not broken in crunch time, it would have produced me, and prevented me from joining the Seagoing Military Force.

As much as I'd like to stop, I must continue this chronicle. To disparage CALS, Coulter invokes four former Big Red hockey players. It is clear from this statement that she has never experienced the majesty that is Lynah. She never heard Arthur Mintz '71 announce "good evening, hockey fans!" to four thousand screaming Faithful. She never held up a page from the Daily Sun and shouted "boring!" as the visiting players were introduced. And she certainly never went down to Wegmans to procure just the right kind of fish to throw at the Crimson.

Olbermann, on the other hand, is unquestionably made of win - and not only for being on the right side of this argument. In addition to his work on Countdown, he formerly anchored SportsCenter - a show that I once called "the greatest television program ever conceived or aired". Perhaps most importantly, in his time on the East Hill, he founded a little show on WVBR called "Sports Roundup." There was a time - a time before social networking - when I hosted that program, and directed the affairs of that department. Regardless of the ultimate outcome of that tenure, the chance to anchor that very same show is awesome sauce indeed.

I close this in the following manner:
The Big Red men's cagers clinched a successful defense of their Ivy League title this evening, against Penn (sucks). Yeah, we're going dancing again.
The "Connecticut Screech" - another indictment of the State of Fail.
And finally...the take of Encyclopædia Dramatica.
Tags: cornell, insanity

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