Matt Carberry (kingpin248) wrote,
Matt Carberry

A "short" story

This one happened a few weeks ago, while I was having dinner after class at Five Guys Burgers and Fries. I was waiting for my order to be ready, when I noticed a young woman; in particular, her shorts caught my eye. For one, those shorts were yellow - and not dandelion or canary or submarine yellow, but pastel-type yellow. And for two, they exhibited one of my personal banes of fashion - text across the rear end. In this particular instance, that text was four words that immediately stereotyped the young lady in my mind - "it's all about me." I wondered, "really? Really? That's the message you want to broadcast to the world?" I don't see why anyone would want to put it out there so blatantly. Of course, I didn't mention anything to her; I just got my food, ate, and returned my attention to whatever episode of The B.S. Report I was listening to at the time.

There are two things in play here. One is my own set of personal sensibilities. I'm a person who is adamantly against using the space on his clothing to advertise its designer or manufacturer. I have never felt the need to define myself to others by making it abundantly clear to them that I wear American Eagle or Abercrombie or whatever else. And the text on the butt thing...I've had a hard spot for that for many years. It could be something like what I described above, the word "PINK" (read: Victoria's Secret brand) in large block letters, "Princess" in script, or "A&F" or "1892" - I just don't get it, and I'm not sure I want to. After thinking about this phenomenon, the earliest instance of it in my memory was almost fifteen years ago, back in high school - the members of the dance team had shorts with two tiger paws on the back. I hope all these young women understand that by wearing such apparel, they are inviting glances at their derrières (but not anything more), and forfeit their grounds for complaint against anyone who takes advantage of that invitation.

The second factor was a context of which I was unaware at the time, but that was revealed to me in subsequent research. I wanted to know who was making and/or selling this kind of shit, and so I Googled "it's all about me." The results fell into two broad categories. One was gear for brides and bachelorettes. The other was related to a cartoon character called Happy Bunny - and this intrigued me, because I vaguely recalled seeing a rabbit on the front of the clothing in question. It's the work of a cartoonist named Jim Benton, and he's actually pretty good. This caused me to understand more...slightly more.

This episode was recalled strongly a few days after it happened, as I watched "The Decision" on ESPN, aka "The LeBacle," the birth of "Miami Thrice," and "The Final Death Blow for Cleveland's Collective Sports Psyche."* In the hours that followed, I noted that the girl's shorts were perfectly appropriate for LeBron. One day, she might even decide to take her talents to South Beach.

*Arguably, also dying: the competitive balance of the NBA for the next seven to ten years.
Tags: insanity, sports, women

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