Matt Carberry (kingpin248) wrote,
Matt Carberry

  • Music:

Sunday's lunch, and the attendant thought process

Every year, on the first Sunday in June, my school district sponsors an annual Art & Music Festival. Art from all the schools is on diplay, and all the musical ensembles perform. Since the weather was beautiful on Long Island on Sunday, this event was held in the beautiful Village Park. This, however, is really just the backdrop for this monologue.

After taking in some art and music, I went to the Shipwreck Diner for lunch. (Side note here: This is the establishment that served as Darlene's Diner in the movie "In & Out.") I was expecting to see my brother, who has been a cook there for a long time. As I walk in, not only do I find my brother, but I find one of the many high-school classmates of mine who I haven't seen since I graduated from Northport High in June 1999. Emily was working as a waitress. It being a busy day, there wasn't much time for us to catch up, but I did manage to ask "how's SU?" (meaning Syracuse) as I paid the check. And she says, "I'm done. I just graduated." At the time I was amazed that she could be done so quickly. Much later, I thought to myself, if Emily has a degree in public relations from Syracuse University (which, if I recall correctly, is a very good school for communications and related fields), and is stuck in her hometown waiting tables, what hope is there for someone who almost got kicked out of school because he couldn't get off his lazy ass? (that someone, of couse, would be me) But then I put that aside, since, as another of my classmates from high school once told me, you can't control what happens to others - you can only control how you respond. Anyway, it was only intended as a superficial basis for comparison.

Emily also asked me "you have another year, right?" to which I responded "yup." This, I think, goes to something that I hate to confront, but really must. As much as I would like to tell myself that I'm unconcerned with what other people think, I am, to a large extent, obsessed with just that. I don't want people to have a negative opinion of me, so I shield them from information that might lead to such opinions forming. Better to have no opinion than a bad one, so says my unconscious (and often times, my conscious too). This is probably well up on the list of worst habits I have (in that it could also be a causal factor for some of the other bad habits). As I turn my head, I note the Murphy's Law poster in my room, and one phrase stands out - "friends come and go, but enemies accumulate." I wonder if my thought process leads me to trying to keep the number of enemies as low as possible - which, in turn, leads to the deprivation of friends as well.

I'm hitting a block on this right now, so I'm going to stop. I'll continue this thought line at some point in the future, but now I'm going to watch hockey.

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